GI Joe : Rise Of The Cobra

Heavy Duty: Yo Joe!
Me: No NO!!!

I wouldn’t have hated this movie if it wasn’t called GI Joe. I would have had a problem with the climax and some bad acting but that would pretty much be it, with me concluding that the action sequences weren’t too bad.

But sadly, this movie IS called GI Joe, and the makers have killed it. If you know the show or bothered with the comics, you will most definitely hate this movie.

Let’s start off with the characters. The makers have obviously no clue about what the characters are or mean to the fans. Seriously, it’s like they don’t even care.

• Duke is super lame. Nothing more to say.
• Storm Shadow is killed. Yes, I am not kidding. I would say there will be a sequel and this character survived, but I have absolutely no intentions of watching the sequel.
• Scarlett is in love with … nope - it’s NOT Snake Eyes, and it’s not Duke. It’s (drum roll please) RIP CORD!
• Cobra is (until the last few minutes of the flick) a Darth Vader impersonator (and not a good one).
• General Hawk is easy to ignore through out the movie.
• Cobra uncle along with Destro are captured and the Baroness is being treated to remove the nanomites from her system.

Did you just say WTF! My thoughts, exactly.

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Cheesy crappy movie. No punch in the dialogues.

I would have preferred if Marlon Wayans (Rip cord) was more like Snake Eyes – as in – not talking at all.

Sienna miller – not happening as a blonde. Like her better with the dark hair. In fact I was looking forward to her being in the frame. Perhaps the best part of the movie for me. Hated her towards the end when she started getting those flashbacks. Very lame.

Rachel Nichols – horrible dialogue delivery. Or perhaps I just hated the red hair.

Dennis Quaid – Irrelevant.

Snake Eyes Vs Storm Shadow Fight Sequence – Seriously lacking. They just didn’t show it enough. I don’t really know. May be I wanted to see more fights, or may be I would have been happy if they filmed at least one fight properly. Definitely a let down.

The love angle(s) in the story scream out ‘LAME’. Apparently nobody noticed that on the editing table. Or just didn’t care. I would go with the second option given the fact that they didn’t care about a lot of other things either.

Watchable, if you have no clue what the hell GI Joe was all about. Extremely pissing off if you do know what the show was about.