More Useless Tweets

So, now we need Twitter to figure out the date?!

It seems that Twitter has a secret "Post A Nonsense Tweet" contest going on.

The Pope Is On Twitter

And the username is – Pope2YouVatican.

Seriously!? All those smart people claiming to have a solution to the world's problems.  Claiming to have an answer to every question (yes – "It is/was the will of god" is apparently a legitimate reply). Such great minds and THAT is the Twitter handle they come up with for the mouthpiece of god?!?.

If this doesn't qualify as 'Crap on Twitter', then what does?

Inductive Wireless Charging – Coming Soon

It is called Powermat.

"

Duracell Powermat, a leading brand in wireless power, today unveiled "WiCC"; a breakthrough aftermarket solution for wireless power. WiCC is a wafer-thin card that consumers can insert into compatible phones or cases to instantly upgrade them for wireless power. WiCC will work seamlessly with all handsets in compliance with IEEE's Power Matters Alliance (PMA) 'Wireless Charging Card' specifications. This standard means that for the first time handsets will be able to utilize real estate allocated for the NFC antenna to offer wireless charging - without impairing costs or design.

Link

Err… So?!

AutoCorrect

Immortals

Disappointing. Boring. Not even close to 300.

Once I was done watching this – immediately deleted it from my system and played 300 (one more time). 300 was a good film. This one wasn't entertaining.

The Dirty Picture

Nah, don't want to put up a poster for this post.

A B-grade film about a C-grade actress – dressed up, hyped up and presented as path-breaking / Hatt Ke cinema. It is not really about Silk Smitha. The story would easily apply to just about any C-grade actress (regardless of the era). 

It is sad to see films like this being 'appreciated'. Or rather, I feel sad when a third class film like this is appreciated and given awards. To each his own.

Please note, it is not the subject of the film that is ticking me off. It is the production value / direction / acting that I have a problem with. This is NOT a well made film. Because of all the hype - it is being treated as a well made film. It is actually quite horrid.

Goes without saying – this is just my opinion. I am not an authority on film making. I may not be able to tell a good film from a bad film but I do know what I like and this is not even close.

Vidya Balan – This is not an award winning performance. Obviously, it would serve no purpose – but I would like to mention that she did win a lot of awards for what she has done in this film (I refuse to refer to it as acting).

The moaning, groaning, grinding – THAT is acting??! I have seen extras doing a better job. Dialogue delivery lacked the punch. Not convincing as a drunk. Her performance can be described AVERAGE at best.

Also, it doesn't help when you have crappy lines written for you in the script. What is even more disappointing is – when people clap at those crappy lines!?

I am going to watch Parineeta again. This is the only film in which I actually liked Vidya Balan.

Rockstar

Tolerable first half (well most of it). Second half is just annoying and dragged on (no idea why the producer / director felt the need).

The plot is … not much to talk about. The whole Janardan Jakhar (JJ) to Jordan thing – just didn't make sense to me. Seemed forced. The canteen guy giving career advice / singing advice / love advice?? The reporter trying to dig up some story?? Didn't really need any of that either.

All that nonsense in Kashmir – I skipped that as well. Most of the second half was pointless unnecessary crap.

More nonsense about the bad boy image - I can think of a million better ways of showing how it started. Getting dragged out of your married girl's house is sad/pathetic.

• JJ getting kicked out of the house because –
• tension in the family.
• Idiotic and/or horny sister-in-law who likes touching JJ.
• Embezzlement.
• Landing at some shrine, and then leaving from the shrine, and then landing at the canteen guy's house??
• Going to the record company and messing up but getting another chance because some senior artist thinks you have the gift (after listening to you sing a few lines – just once before).

Seriously?! Couldn't you just show JJ leaving his house? Yes – just picking up his guitar and walking out. Was it really necessary to put in all the drama?

Iss ke sar pe upar waale ka haath hai – For once, try to keep it simple! More wasted footage. BTW, is it really a necessity that a record company HAS TO BE headed by a jerk? Why?

Here is an alternative –

• JJ walks out of the house (yes, because he feels like it).
• Sings at some hotel or whatever (well he does have to eat – makes more sense than showing your lead actor living off charity).
• Gets spotted by a music composer / record company representative (why not?! Only Imtiaz Ali / Karan Johar have rights over the 'convenient coincidence' approach!?).
• Want to have the 'bad boy' thing going – well again, keep it simple – young successful kid, not so hard to get into trouble. Put in a bit of drugs and there you go – Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll.

Khatam baat. Khoobsurti saadgi mein hi hoti hai. Simple enough and not nearly as annoying. Running time significantly reduced. Absolutely no need to tolerate Nargis Fakhri's pathetic attempt at acting.  

I seriously hope the makers come out with a 'special cut' of the film. A much shorter version – minus all the pointless crap.

• Ranbir Kapoor – Not bad.
• Nargis Fakhri – Needs to work on … well – needs to work on everything. Absolute waste of screen space. Not great to look at either (doesn't do it for me).

About the music – As much as I tried to like it – I just couldn't. I did like a few lines in some of the songs, but this really isn't the music that would be playing in my car. Lots of people insisting on how great the Sufi number is. Guys going on and on about Sadda Haq… There are bits in that song that I actually like – but on the the whole – the music was a let down (for me). I have heard better… MUCH better.

Hustle – Season 8

And the series comes to an end.

The last season was… a bit disappointing (for me). Just didn't seem like enough effort had been put in to write this one.

I did enjoy the series and the previous seasons were definitely fun to watch. 7 out of 8 – Not bad at all.

How Does This Qualify As 'News'?

These days – just about anything is considered 'news'. Sheesh.

'Everyone Watches It': B S Yeddyurappa

"

At a programme in Shimoga on Saturday, the former CM showed his soft corner for the trio, who are his supporters, and targeted the media. He said, "It (ministers watching porn clips in the legislative assembly) has been blown out of proportion by the media. Everybody watches it. Don't you watch them?''

Link

Everyone defecates as well. Would it be ok for the BJP ministers to defecate while sitting in their assigned seats during the assembly proceedings?

BTW, didn't one of the involved ministers insist that they were in fact watching a documentary and NOT a porn clip? Why can't these idiots get their stories right?!

"

It was not a porn film, it was a documentary. Secondly, I owe an explanation to the people of my constituency and district. I'll show the clip to all the people in my constituency. Let them decide.

Link

"It is very clear that a very well-trained person has committed this attack" : Chidambaram

"

NEW DELHI: Home minister P Chidambaram said on Tuesday that the lone motorcyclist who tried to assassinate an Israeli diplomat's wife here was "a very well-trained person". "It is very clear that a very well-trained person has committed this attack," Chidambaram said, referring to Monday's bomb attack in the heart of the city that badly injured the wife of the defence attache.

Link

More 'insightful' statements from our politicians. Taaliyaan.

"

"There is also reason to believe that the target was the Israeli diplomat's wife. Therefore, one has to proceed on the basis that it was a terrorist attack," the minister told reporters.

Of course. Well done, minister. Excellent. Deductive reasoning in action. Allow me to explain –

You see, according to Mr. Chidambaram – if a bomb / exploding device was used to blow up any other woman in any other car, it would be treated as a crime of passion and not a terrorist attack. Probably they would be looking for a jilted lover or a road side Romeo. It is only because the target happened to be the wife of a diplomat – that we are treating it as a terrorist attack.

Is that right, minister? Is that what you meant by your absolutely ridiculous statement?

This is what happens when you ask a finance guy to head the Home Ministry. Doob maro!

Dow Chemicals – Olympics – Bhopal Gas Tragedy…

"

Indian NGOs working with the survivors of the gas leak and the IOA have repeatedly demanded that Dow Chemical should be dropped as one of the sponsors for the Olympics.

Link

Demanding that Dow Chemicals be dropped as a sponsor for the Olympics. Hmm. Question – Assuming that Dow does get dropped – What exactly would be accomplished for the victims (and/or their families) of the Bhopal Gas Tragedy?

The IOA wants the IOC to understand and appreciate the sentiments and feelings of the victims. That is the argument presented by Mr. Malhotra. If it makes you (and the victims and their families) happy, then perhaps IOC could put up banners with pictures of the victims and their families. Without any sponsorship deal whatsoever (I so wish someone at IOC proposes this).

How is that for understanding and appreciating your sentiments!?

To sweeten the deal and to show just how understanding the IOC is, the IOC could suggest that the banners will be placed right above Dow Chemical's banners.

Before you start calling me names and reminding me how emotionally bankrupt I am – please understand that according to the IOA and Mr. Malhotra – the BANNER is all important.

Displaying Dow Chemical's banners will hurt the sentiments and feelings of the victims. Given that the IOA and Mr. Malhotra attach so much importance to a banner, let them have a banner of their own for the victims and have it displayed.

Dikhaawon pe mat jaao, apni akal ladaao.

Jaahil log.

…

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

~ Albert Einstein

Tere Pyaar Mein Rusvaa Hokar, Jaayen Kahaan Deewaane Log

Obaidullah Aleem…

Tere pyaar mein rusvaa hokar, jaayen kahaan deewaane log
Jaane kya-kya poochh rahe hain ye jaane pahchaane log

Jaise tumhe humne chaahaa thaa, kaun bhalaa yoon chaahega
Maanaa aur bahut aayenge tum se pyaar jataane log

Kaise dukhon ke mausam aaye, kaisi aag lagi yaaro
Ab sahraaon se laate hain phoolon ke nazraane log

Kal maatam beqimat hoga, aaj inki tauqir karo
Dekho khoon-e-jigar se kya-kya likhte hain afsaane log

Jaante hain ye ishq musalsal rog hai aah-o-zaari ka
Phir bhi uske kuche mein jaate hain umr gavaane log

Replied To 'Show Cause Notice'

"

BANGALORE: Three former Karnataka BJP ministers, who lost their jobs over watching porn film clippings on mobile when the Assembly was in session, today submitted their replies to the show cause notice slapped on them by Speaker K G Bopaiah. The trio -- Laxman Savadi, C C Patil and Krishna Palemar sent in their seperate (sic) replies to the speaker and their respective aides handed over them to Assembly Secretary, Om Prakash. Prakash told PTI that the replies submitted in sealed cover would be forwarded to the Speaker. Bopaiah told reporters that the replies by the three former ministers had reached his secretariat and he was yet to take a look at it. Bopaiah is expected to form a six-member house panel to probe the episode that took place inside the state assembly on February seven. He said he would take a decision on the formation of the committee to probe the matter and also on consulting opposition Congress and JDS, which have already decided against nominating their members on the panel. While Savadi and Patil face allegations of watching the sleazy clippings, Palemar is accused of supplying them to Savadi.

Link

Pathetic reporting. Pathetic incident. Pathetic responses. And a typo. Classic Times of India (and I am not just referring to the name of the newspaper).

Firstly, seperate - there is no such word. It is spelt separate, you illiterate moron!

Now with that out of the way, let us talk about the article. What exactly does this article tell the reader? Does the event merit such an elaborate article? The event being – the ministers have replied to the Show Cause Notice. The article tells you:

• Replies were submitted separately – So?
• The respective aides handed the replies over to the Assembly Secretary – So?
• The replies were in a sealed cover and will be forwarded to the Speaker – So?
• The replies have reached the Speaker's secretariat – So?

If TOI thinks these details are relevant and need to be reported, why haven't they mentioned:

• The colour of the envelope?
• The size of the paper used to print the replies?
• Is the reply printed on both sides or just one?
• Were there copies of the replies?
• If 'Yes' then how many copies?
• Who were these copies submitted to and how?
• How many drafts were prepared before the final version was decided upon?
• The make / model / plate number of the car that was used to transport these replies from the minister's offices to the Assembly.

Furthermore, is the Speaker serious? What the hell has he been smoking?? The idiot wants to form a committee to probe the matter?!! They were watching porn during the assembly proceedings. What is there to probe!?

Fuck that - he wants to take his time to decide which six members of the house will be part of the committee!?

And you think I have my priorities mixed up!?!?

Aqua Tek S iPhone Case

"

Have any immediate plans to go to war, escape nuclear fallout or get shipwrecked in the middle of the Pacific? Boy has Snow Lizard got the iPhone case for you. The Aqua Tek S is rugged, waterproof, battery-powered, solar panel-packing and in some cases camouflaged -- all said, it looks to be a beast of an iPhone 4 / 4S case that'll make your Otterbox case look like Samuel L. Jackson in Unbreakable.

Link

Another one of those things that I just don't understand the need for.

The Three Musketeers

Not bad.

I actually enjoyed watching this film.

Your Heartbeat Could Be Your Password

"

A technology in the works might soon allow you to unlock your hard drive by simply touching your keyboard. Your unique heartbeat, emitted through your fingertip, would be your password. Chun-Liang Lin and his team at the National Chung Hsing University in Taichung, Taiwan translated a human heartbeat into an encryption key using an electrocardiograph reading from an individual's palm. Their unique series of thump-thumpa generated a secret key. The part that blows my mind is that your heartbeat is so unique that that pattern never actually repeats. You will never get the same exact timing of beats twice. So the encryption scheme is based on the math behind chaos theory, which dictates that outcomes are highly sensitive to initial conditions, leading to widely divergent outcomes (it's sometimes referred to as the butterfly effect).

Link

Err… not exactly amazed by this but it is definitely better than pressure sensors in a car seat to identify the owner using his butt's 3D representation and weight distribution.

Autocorrect

Players

Stating the obvious – ripped off from Italian Job. Arrey bhai, nakal ke liye bhi akal ki zaroorat hoti hai. 

One major difference – Italian Job was fun to watch. Players – was rather painful. In fact, it was so painful that I didn't even bother to watch it till the end. The first hour or so, is just trash (barring Bipasha, of course).

• Neil Nitin Mukesh – Not bad.
• Bipasha Basu is great to look at. She always is. The best part of the film is Bipasha Basu.
• Sonam Kapoor has been hyped since her launch. She can't act and she doesn't look good. In my view - another Kareena Kapoor. All she can do is make faces. Absolutely no talent, serious lack of screen presence and doesn't look nearly as good as the media / people insist (not to me, anyway).

The rest of the cast can be ignored. Could ignore Sonam Kapoor as well – but couldn't help myself and just had to put that up.

Victor Dada can receive guests in prison. In the prison itself, he can discuss (with his CA) plans for building an educational facility. He can receive DVDs and mobiles with details and plans of the heist. But, for some reason – Victor feels the need to fake a heart attack in order to speak to his CA and introduce him to the other players who will help out with the heist (?!?).

Ahem… kabhi to akal se kaam liya karo!

Best Use Of Media Award

Happened to catch bits of the Zee Cine Awards 2012.

As horrified as I was – reading the titles nominated for the Best Film, what really had me rolling my eyes was – a category called Best Use Of Media. Just another pointless category along with International Icon. Wonder if these people actually know the meaning of the term 'icon'.

Seems like they are just inventing categories to keep celebrities happy.

Shit happens.

More From Autocorrect

OS 7.1

 

The 7.1 leaks have been around for a while. For some reason, I just didn't get around to installing one on my handset – earlier. The other day, I had some time on my hands and decided to go ahead with the OS update. No problems (there rarely are any problems when you know what you are doing). Pretty happy with it. BTW, thank you RIM for including Mobile Hotspot (finally). 

Crackberry is buzzing with news that T-Mobile US has just released 7.1.0.648. Hmm. Should have waited for a few days and downloaded a newer official version.

Not that I have any complaints from the leaked one, but still…

Dhanush 'Kolaveri Di' To Lecture At IIM - A

"

Dhanush along with cousin and music composer Anirudh Ravichander, will address a class of about 130 students of Contemporary Film Industry (CFI) course at IIM-A. Bharathan Kandaswamy, faculty and co-ordinator of the course, says, "The hour-and-a-half long lecture will focus on the success story of Kolaveri Di, perception and insights by Dhanush and Anirudh, viral marketing and social media.

Link

What next? Himesh Reshammiya will be appointed as a professor at IIM??! Poonam Pandey giving weekly lectures?

'Kolaveri Di' was a crap song to begin with. The 'Kolaveri Di' success story should be a case study in a medical college for students who have psychology as a subject. It would make sense to figure out why the number of idiots in the world is increasing at such an alarming rate.

If You Believe This News Report Is True – You Need Help!

"

INDORE: A wedding turned out to be a tragedy when a close relative of the bride committed suicide after the 25-year-old was reportedly denied to dancing along with the 'baaratis' at Indira Ekta Nagar here on Saturday night. According to the police, the marriage of the girl was to be solemnized on Saturday and the 'baraat' was supposed to come from Annapurna of the city. When the baarat reached there, the bride's cousin identified as Rajesh Beleem, son of Kailash also wanted to dance with others. Police said that the family members feared that Beleem, who was in drunken state, would create trouble for them affecting the smooth conduct of the marriage. So they locked him in a room and left home to receive the groom. After around two hours, when family members returned to open the room where Rajesh was locked in, they shocked to find him hanging from the ceiling.

Link

Not just this part, but the entire article is ridiculous.

There is no way you get locked in, just because you want to dance. Drunk or not. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure what 'trouble' the family was REALLY trying to avoid.

Om Puri In Trouble For Smoking

"

PATIALA: After Salman Khan, it is actor Om Puri who is in trouble for allegedly smoking at a public place during a function in Rajpura, and the authorities of the Patiala health department have started investigation.

Link

So the guy smoked a cigarette. Big deal! Slam him with a fine and move on. There is absolutely no point in wasting your time or his. It is sad enough that such crap is even considered news worthy.

What is this nonsense about starting an investigation? Doesn't anybody in any of the government departments have anything better to do with their time?

Why don't these idiots just stick to calculating their PF maturity amounts / pensions / end of service indemnity instead of launching pointless investigations.

Anonymous

Excellent. Enjoyed every frame.

Agneepath

The only reason I wanted to watch this film was – Kancha Cheena.

• Sanjay Dutt does not disappoint.
• Rauf Lala (Rishi Kapoor) – Brilliant performance. Out performs everyone in the film. Surprised and speechless.
• Vijay Dinanath Chauhan (Hrithik Roshan) – Honestly, I didn't even notice him.
• Kaali Gowde (Priyanka Chopra) – Looks good. Not much of her character. Not that it matters.
• Chikni Chameli (Katrina Kaif) – Thu. Absolutely horrid. What makes it even worse is – I used to like Katrina Kaif. After Chikni Chameli – just can't stand her.