Bharat Maata Ki …

Income tax site crashes as tax payers rush to file e-returns - It's a government website. One must be content if the site is up even for a few minutes everyday. Officials in a government office work just for a few minutes a day (if they bother to show up). One can not have a more efficient website.

That would defeat the purpose of the government machinery which generates employment by successfully employing 12,000 people to do the work of 1 peon.

Insects are their rakhi brothers - This Raksha Bandhan women to campaign against use of pesticides - And, are the brothers also planning to protest by throwing wrapped gifts in the agriculture fields?

Crying Bedi On Twitter

  

Every tweet is crap.

I wouldn't have bothered putting this up, but some idiots just won't stop re-tweeting Crying Bedi's crap tweets.

Shut up!

Apple's New Mac Ad's Are Rubbish

There was a time when I waited for a new Mac advertisement. Remember the ones with 'Hi, I am a PC. I am a Mac' ? Sigh…

The new ones are horrible.

 

 

Yawn…

At times, just a glance at the headline is enough to safely conclude that the article has absolutely no relevant information and must be ignored.

• Ramdev gives clean chit to Narendra Modi on corruption – So, who died and made Ramdev the queen??
• Anna to start fast-unto-death from today – Don't get my hopes up! Will somebody please get rid of this silly old buffoon!?
• Hours before London Olympics, Team India breathing fire over shoddy kits – To be expected. Nothing new.

Uss Ko Judaa Hue Bhi Zamanaa Bahut Hua

Ahmed Faraz…

Uss ko judaa hue bhi zamanaa bahut hua
Ab kya kahen ye qissa puraana bahut hua

Dhalti na thi kissi bhi jatan se shab-e-firaaq
Ai marg-e-naagahaan tera aanaa bahut hua

Hum khuld se nikal to gaye hain par ai khudaa
Itne se vaaqaye ka fasaana bahut hua

Ab hum hain aur saare zamaane ki dushmani
Uss se zaraa rabt badhaana bahut hua

Ab kyon na zindagi pe muhabbat ko vaar den
Iss aashiqi mein jaan se jaanaa bahut hua

Ab tak to dil ka dil se taarruf na ho sakaa
Maana ki uss se milna milaana bahut hua

Kya-kya na hum kharaab hue hain magar ye dil
Ai yaad-e-yaar tera thikaana bahut hua

Kahta tha naasehon se mere muunh na aaio
Phir kya tha ek huu kaa bahaana bahut hua

Lo phir tere labon pe ussi bevafaa ka zikr
Ahmad 'faraz' tujh se kaha na bahut hua

Post Office Mobile Remittance Scheme

"

As per the scheme a person can send money through the post office which will send a message to the other post office about the amount to be given to the other person. … Postal Department is launching an instant money remittance scheme, mobile remittance scheme, in tie-up with the BSNL infrastructure by next month, Chief Postmaster General (Kerala Circle) Sobha Koshy said on Sunday.

Link

It will be launched. And just like every other scheme the government(s) has proposed / launched – this too shall be delayed, mocked and finally launched only to be shutdown a while later because:

• It didn't work as intended.
• Wasn't as popular as hoped.
• Wasn't being used because not enough people knew it existed.

If you intend to argue with me on this point, please allow me to support my point - Delhi Airport Express service.

---

The idea of calling this "Mobile" Remittance still doesn't make sense to me (not the way it has been explained in the article). It's not like an individual can send an SMS to the beneficiary and the beneficiary can claim the funds at the post office.

As explained in the article:

• A goes to the Post Office to send money to B.
• A's Post Office sends a message to B's Post Office confirming the amount to be paid to B.
• B goes to the Post Office (or Postman goes to B's address) and B collects the money.
• Perhaps (although not mentioned) B would have to provide Proof of Identity or some form of Authorization Pin to collect the money.

Err… how is this MOBILE remittance? As per the article, the message is being sent from A's Post Office to B's Post Office. This message could be sent via email or fax or even over a voice call.

Doesn't this NEW scheme sound extremely familiar? Western Union / Moneygram etc. Bharat maata ki… (everybody knows the song).

Either the person who drafted the article simply didn't bother to understand how the scheme will work OR some official decided to include the term "Mobile" in the name of the scheme just to make it sound better / cooler / techier (that isn't a real word).

The only thing successfully highlighted is "incompetence" (Is anyone surprised?).

• Could be the incompetence of the official suggesting the scheme.
• Could be the incompetence of the official explaining the scheme.
• Could be the incompetence of the individual who covered the story and drafted the article.

Dikhaawon pe mat jaao. Apni akal ladaao. Faaltu ki SCHEMEs mat banaao!

Delhi Airport Express Service - Stopped

 

 

"

While Reliance Infrastructure blames DMRC for the defects, sources in the state-run company claim running the airport line has not been profitable for Reliance and it is preparing the ground to exit the project. A DMRC official, on condition of anonymity, says that Reliance has not been able to meet its initial revenue projections. In fact, a letter written in April by Reliance to DMRC to defer the annual concession fee of Rs 51 crore says: "The company has been working towards meeting its business projections but is facing tremendous limitations that are beyond its control." Reliance was aiming to generate 75 per cent of revenue from areas such as retail, property development, advertising and other commercial activities, and 25 per cent from fare collections. But the letter notes that efforts to raise revenue from non-fare sources have not yet succeeded.

Link

I wanted to put this up earlier. It just slipped my mind.

Obama Calls For Common Sense

 

 

I do wish someone did call for common sense. And not just over guns.

My first reaction when I saw the headline: Common Sense eh? (*Chuckles) All the best with that!

Of course, the headline made it clear what the news item was about and saved me the trouble of reading the article. Election year and the recent Movie Theatre shooting. You don't need to hold a degree in political science to figure out there will be strongly worded suggestion/promises for reforms/changes in Gun laws.

Being an election year, these 'issues' and proposed 'solutions' will be hyped up and served to the media with multiple assurances but zero details / roadmap (Just like almost every other 'issue' in almost every democratic country).  Everybody will talk, debate and collectively conclude (after the election results) that nothing can be done.

That said… loved the headline. There are a lot of differences between BBC and TOI. One of them is – BBC doesn't need to include a typo in its headline / article to make me chuckle.

VIVA Technical Support Is Not Aware Of BIS Sync !!!

The issue:

I have been using BIS synchronisation for a while now. I recently got a VIVA connection and I wanted to set up BIS sync on that. When I tried to activate the damn thing, I was surprised that VIVA was still pushing the 2009 - Email Setup via the browser - to my handset.

BIS Sync will not work with the old Setup. Security Activation crap needs to be done on the handset, even if you have enabled the sync options from the BIS website.

In my case, VIVA seems to be pushing their WAP BIS website - to my handset, for Email Management and obviously this is not going to work. I called up their Technical Support and this is where things get interesting.

The first guy I spoke to was confident that BlackBerry service is the same thing as any Internet plan. The Tech Rep (name was Daniel) explains to me (very politely) that if my browser is working, then there is no problem from the carrier and I should get the handset checked at any mobile repair shop.

The second guy I spoke to didn't even know the concept of BIS Sync!

Here is what happened after my initial explanation to Daniel:

 

Daniel	:	Sorry Sir, I can not understand your problem.
Me	:	I know. That is why I asked you to transfer me to someone who can provide support for BlackBerry.
Daniel	:	Sir can you please tell me your problem?
Me	:	I did! Anyway … the problem is with BIS Syncing. I need the account to be validated from the handset and that will not happen because VIVA is sending me to the old set up and not pushing the right Service Book.
Daniel	:	Sir, this is not a problem with VIVA, you will have to take this to a mobile repair shop.
Me	:	Again, Daniel – the mobile repair shop can not give me the Service Book which the Carrier is supposed to push! I must insist that you put me though to someone who understands BlackBerry services!
Daniel	:	Please hold sir.
Daniel	:	(After a while) Sir, I have spoken to a colleague and he will attend to your query, although I still don't understand your problem
Me	:	(It looked like a dodo trying to swim across the sea) Please, just transfer the call.
Mohammed	:	Hello Sir. My colleague tells me you have a problem with Backup and Restore.
Me	:	No I don't, I …
Mohammed	:	You will need the BlackBerry Data Cable and a PC and the software.
Me	:	Err… I do not have a problem with Backup and Restore. I have an issue with syncing Contacts and Calendar events.
Mohammed	:	Same thing. You take the cable, connect phone to PC. It works for both contacts and calendar.
Me	:	NO! This is NOT the same thing. I am talking about Wireless Sync! OTA updates and synchronisation. If I update a contact or include a calendar event on my handset, it gets pushed to my Gmail Account as well. This is NOT Backup/Restore!
Mohammed	:	(Chuckles) Sir… I must say, this is the first time I am hearing of such a feature, and I have been using BlackBerry's for a very long time
Me	:	You do not know of BIS Sync!?! Really?
Mohammed	:	No. If that is REALLY a feature, I will make a Gmail Account!
Me	:	(Rolling eyes and giving up at this point, wishing I could just shoot myself just to avoid listening to anymore idiotic statements). Is there ANYONE who can provide BlackBerry support?
Mohammed	:	Sir, I will raise a trouble ticket and you will get a reply within 24 hours
Me	:	Thank you.
Mohammed	:	Anything else I can help you with?
Me	:	(WTF did you help me with!?!) No… have a nice day.

---

If anyone has friends employed at VIVA – could you please try to have this looked into? It's pathetic when your Technical Support team does not know about the services they are supposed to be providing the support for.

Yes, they were very polite and did pretend to care. As much as I appreciate that, the least one expects from a Technical Support team is that they are AWARE of the services they are providing technical support for!

It seems that all these Technical Support guys (not just at VIVA) have a standard solution – "Switch it off and on again, it will work inshallah".

Shanghai

Well made.

Everyone did a good job with this one. Even Emraan Hashmi. The only other film where I liked his acting was Once Upon A Time In Bombay. To put it in another way, it takes a very special type of cinema for me to appreciate the work of someone like Emraan Hashmi.

Abhay Deol deserves a special mention. Brilliant actor and perhaps the most underrated artist in Bollywood. Farooq Shaikh hits the mark with this one, but that is no surprise. He may not have been regarded as a Bollywood Star ever, but he has always been a good actor.

About the politics / ideologies expressed in the film, err.. I have a very different view from that of Dr. Ahmedi (well portrayed by Prasenjit Chatterjee). But that is for another time, another post.  

Text Bands From Hallmark

Link

Even if you are able to ignore the horrid look (you poor blind bastard), this 'gadget' is simply useless.

• There are three buttons, which have to be used to spell out the message (No QWERTY, No Touchscreen, No Voice Recognition).
• The message can be only 10 characters long.
• To pass on the tediously typed out message (using rubbish short-hands), you have to bump / high five your wristband buddy.

Now… if you are close enough to bump / high five with your just-as-lame-as-you wristband buddy, then why the fuck can't you just talk to the dumb fuck and get your message across?!

Seriously, when is the world going to get tired of this wristband fad?? It's about time! Don't even get me started on Friendship bands OR Save The World bands OR Cancer / AIDS Awareness bands (Yeah, like wearing a fancy ribbon / band is going to help find a cure for Cancer)!

Idiots.

Fingerprint Fading Screen Protectors – 3M

"

With 3M's unique patent pending ed fingerprint-fading technology, normal fingerprints aren't just hidden – they fade away, giving you a pristine screen that requires less frequent cleaning! Plus, it keeps your screen looking newer, longer:

Link

…

Mainu jaddwi tusi ho yaad aaye
Din dihaadhe sharaab lai baitha.

Clink

Gulf Bank BlackBerry App

 

Finally!

Found it on AppWorld. Would have been nice if Gulf Bank had tweeted about it or something. I don't recall a tweet about this. Could it be that I somehow missed this? I mean, they tweet just about anything. This one would have actually been helpful / informative.

 

UPDATE:

Gulf Bank has removed the app. :(

…

Man is born free, and every where he is in chains.

- Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Greek Ruins

Illiterate Incompetent Dumb Fucks At Indian Embassy – Kuwait

Something as routine as Degree Attestation gets fucked up. They use the wrong stamp on the wrong document, as a result ruining my original degree.

When I went to collect the attested documents I was told "We have attested the translation, but can't attest the original degree, here is your money".

Duffer! Do you really think I give a shit about the money!?

Indian Overseas Bank Website

Tune download?!

WTF!

Why would anyone want the 'Welcome to Indian Overseas Bank. Indian Overseas Bank mein aap ka swaagat hai' tune?! What do you suggest one would do with it? Use it as a ringtone? Burn it onto a CD and play it on a loop??

This is supposed to be a bank's website!?

Chutiyon ki kammi nahin hai, duniya mein.

"Outrage To Follow UK Headline That Asks If Manmohan Is Sonia's Poodle"

"

After Time magazine, which branded the Prime minister as an underachiever on its cover just last week, a UK daily has carried a similar piece with a headline that is likely to provoke fierce outrage among the Congress. "Manmohan Singh: Saviour or Sonia's Poodle" runs in today's edition of The Independent

Link

Outrage ? WTF for??!

The Independent is just ASKING if Manmohan Singh is Sonia's poodle. I am sure everyone would recall, the media had declared as a fact that Tony Blair WAS Bush's pet poodle. In Manmohan Singh's case, at least the media has started it off with a speculation. I simply can not understand why any one would feel outraged (*rolls eyes) by such remarks / comments.

If anyone thinks that this headline is outrageous, then what do they have to say about the countless cartoons that appear in the Indian newspapers (on a daily basis) hinting at the same thing or at times – even worse?
What about all the material stand up comedians use – show after show?
What about the millions of remarks and statements given by other politicians themselves?
Hell, there have been comments which suggested that Manmohan Singh wasn't even a man.

Such mockery is part of a public life and there is absolutely no reason to (over) react to this (The Independent's headline).

People SHOULD have better things to do with their time than to feel outraged every time something like this is published about a politician. If people don't have better things to do, they should simply cease to exist.  End their miserable useless existence and do the rest of us a favour.

Spare me the lecture. A person with such a narrow approach and so much free time on his hands (to be OUTRAGED at a public figure being mocked in the media) is a burden on this already pathetic world. One less idiot in the world makes things better for all of us.

Dikhaawon pe mat jaao, apni akal ladaao… aur faaltu ke issue mat banaao. Now, where did I keep that Tommy Gun?

Mock The Week

One of my favourite episode from Mock The Week.

…

Just so fucking tired… of everything. Need to disappear for a while. Main aur meri tanhaai.

Kinni beeti te kinni baaqi ae
mainu aiho hisaab lai baitha.

Adarsh Scam / Case - Former Army Officer: "Land Does Not Belong To Defence Ministry"

"

Retired Lt General GS Sihota has told the commission probing the scam that the land in question does not belong to the MoD. The Defence Ministry has always maintained that Adarsh Society was illegally built on their land while today the former senior officer has told the commission exactly the opposite.  Lt Gen GS Sihota (Retd) also said that he takes responsibility for action taken on that plot of land. He was the area commander when AR Kumar, one of the accused in the case, was posted as an officer in the defence estate office. Mr Kumar was allegedly instrumental in giving the controversial No Objection Certificate or NoC from the Defence Ministry to the state government for construction of Adarsh building.

Link

Main royoon ya hansoon… karoon main kya karoon.

…

There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again.

- Clint Eastwood

It Happens Only In India

"

They nabbed Qureshi after which he offered to drive the policemen in his brand new Innova vehicle to the police station. Seeing the new vehicle, the policemen obliged Qureshi as he took to the wheel. When they reached the police station compound, the constable sitting at the rear got down. Qureshi on the pretext of parking the vehicle reversed it and drove away with the other cop besides him.

Link

A bit too filmy, don't you think?

I am guessing only crooks watch bollywood flicks. Cops probably just don't have the time, given their extensive bribe collection routines.

For those still interested, Lucky Qureshi did get caught. But it was only because he banged into a garbage bin on the street while trying to get away and was mobbed by the civilians passing by. The report suggests that the passersby mobbed Qureshi because they thought he was being chased for rash driving.

I wonder… Had the civilians been aware of what was actually going on, they probably would have lined up on either side of the street and cheered for Qureshi as he drove past.

Romney Google Search

Uss Ki Hasrat Hai Jise Dil Se Mita Bhi Na Sakoon

Ameer Minai…

Uss ki hasrat hai jise dil se mita bhi na sakoon
Dhoondhane uss ko chalaa hoon jise paa bhi na sakoon

Daal kar khaak mere khoon pe qaatil ne kahaa
Kuchch ye mehandi nahin meri ke mita bhi na sakoon

Zabt kambakht ne aur aa ke galaa ghonta hai
Ke usse haal sunaaoon to sunaa bhi na sakoon

Uss ke pahlu mein jo leja ke sula doon dil ko
Neend aisi usse aaye ke jagaa bhi na sakoon

Naqsh-e-paa dekh to loon laakh karoonga sajde
Sar mera arsh nahin hai ki jhuka bhi na sakoon

Bevafaa likhte hain vo apni kalam se mujh ko
Ye vo qismat ka likha hai jo mita bhi na sakoon

Iss tarah soye hain sar rakh ke mere zaanon par
Apni soi hui qismat ko jagaa bhi na sakoon

The Amazing Spider-Man

  

More like, The Disappointing Spider-Man. Here is just one of the many "THIS is what you could come up with" moments from the film:

Peter Parker: I've been bitten.
Gwen Stacy: I've been bitten too!
Me: WTF?!

There are some good things too about the film:

Emma Stone – So much hotter/better than Kirsten Dunst. Definitely an improvement.

Andrew Garfield – Much better than Tobey Maguire. The Amazing Spider-Man isn't a pussy/sissy when compared to the one played by Tobey. This could be because of the characterisation or it could just be the actor.

All said, there are just too many things off about this film. You won't be missing much if you did give this a miss.

NRO To NRE Repatriation – Completed

This is why I prefer banking with Citibank:

In May 2012, I had posted about how upset I was with the new TDS and DTAA regulations for the NRI's. I was rather vocal when I expressed my displeasure to the relationship manager at Citibank, who said he would see what the bank could do to help.

I was even more upset about the paperwork that would have to be completed even if I decided to repatriate the NRO deposits. After thinking about it for a week and obtaining the required information, I spoke to the relationship manager and the service manager at Citibank making it clear that although I REALLY want to repatriate the NRO deposits to NRE, I am not very pleased about the amount of paperwork, formalities, running around that it would require.

The service manager at Citi got back to me the following day after she had spoken to the consulting firm that the bank has on retainer. She informed me that all I would be required to do was sign a few forms and they would take care of the rest. Of course, this would involve a small fee payable to the consulting firm.

And… they DID take care of everything. The service manager went through all my records of Fixed Deposits and remittances on the bank's system. She went through all the paperwork and made sure that all the documentation was in order. She filled out the repatriation forms and emailed me a copy so I could go through them while the courier delivered the originals.

All I did was sign and courier them back (Couriers to Citibank via DHL are free for all Citibank customers. How thoughtful). She followed up with the consulting firm and approximately two weeks later – Formalities complete, amount repatriated and credited to my NRE account with Citibank.

A flat fee to the bank's consulting firm – A few thousand rupees
Documents Couriered to the bank – INR 0
Excellent client support and hassle-free banking… PRICELESS!

Thank you Citibank

Yet Another Ridiculous App In AppWorld

!!!

Google Can Be Extremely Helpful, But Do Ask Reasonable Questions!

 

I wouldn't be surprised if the idiot was expecting a simple 'Yes Or No' answer to his search query.

Evolution ECycle H2O Bottle

  

Link

"

Unlike any bottle in the market, the Evolution bottle is ergonomically friendly for simple leak-proof drinking. The thumb-activated button allows you to grip and sip naturally while on the trail, the bike or at work. Built with stainless steel and our proprietary eCycle® material, the bottle is dishwasher safe and the lid disassembles to allow for a complete clean.

Priced at USD 18

Specs With Tech – Finally One Which Has An Actual Use

There have been several attempts at combining some technology with glasses in order to come up with some sort of a gadget. Most of these attempts have resulted in crap-gadgets.  Notable among those would be Gucci’s 3D Glasses and the more recent Google Glasses (the idiotic thing is pictured above).

Not only do the Google Glasses look pathetic, I can't think of a single sensible use that they could be put to (your definition of 'sensible' could be different from mine, but do think about it for a while before you tell me that Google Glasses are actually useful).

---

Finally someone seems to have had enough of the nonsense and managed to come up with a pair of glasses, laced with tech – with potential for some actual use. The O2Amps from 2AI Labs.

 

"

And there are applications in medicine, which is where we believe we can make the greatest impact. In fact, for medicine we have developed three different technologies, and they can be described as… (i) a vein-finder, or oxygenation-isolator, that amplifies perception of oxygenation modulations under the skin (and eliminates perception of variations in the concentration of haemoglobin), (ii) a trauma-detector, or haemoglobin-concentration-isolator, that amplifies perception of haemoglobin concentrations under the skin (and eliminates perception of variations in oxygenation), and (iii) a general clinical enhancer, or oxygenation-amplifier, that combines the best features of the first two; it eliminates neither signal (i.e., it retains perception of both variation in Haemoglobin oxygenation and concentration), and only amplifies perception of oxygenation. We’ve received great interest from medical professionals interested in trying out the O2Amp, and we’re moving now to get them in hospitals and among clinical staff everywhere.

Link

Do visit the above link to read more and you will also find some… err… NOT SO important uses (Poker, Dating, Crap about SEEING people's emotions).